Suicide Prevention: You Don't Need the Right Words
When we talk about suicide, it can feel uncomfortable very quickly. We may worry about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse, so sometimes we avoid the conversation altogether. But suicide prevention doesn’t require having all the right words—it starts with understanding what someone may be experiencing and being willing to enter the conversation. Suicidal thoughts often emerge when emotional pain becomes so overwhelming that a person cannot see another way for the pain to stop. I often describe this as an intense form of “escape mode.” Most of us have ways we escape when life feels overwhelming—we sleep, scroll, binge-watch a show, take a vacation, stay busy, or dream about starting over somewhere else. But when someone is experiencing significant emotional distress, that desire for relief can become much more intense. Their perspective may narrow until solutions that seem obvious to others feel completely out of reach. Suicide can begin to feel like a way to escape overwhelming pain. Sometimes it isn’t about wanting life to end as much as not wanting life to continue like this. Or, for someone who has experienced ongoing hardship or pain, it can become difficult to imagine that life could ever feel different.
Because suicidal thoughts can look different for everyone, part of prevention is learning to recognize when someone may be struggling. Some people experience passive thoughts such as, “I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up,” while others may have more active thoughts involving a plan or intention to act. Other warning signs can include withdrawing from relationships or activities, increased substance use, significant changes in mood or behavior, irritability or anxiety, declining school or work performance, reckless behavior, or statements about feeling hopeless, trapped, purposeless, or like a burden. Some may genuinely believe the people they love would be better off without them. These thoughts can feel completely convincing in the moment, even though they are being shaped by overwhelming distress and hopelessness. You don’t have to be certain someone is suicidal before checking in. Asking about suicide does not create suicidal thoughts; it can open the door for someone to finally be honest about what they are experiencing.
When someone shares that they are struggling, our instinct is often to immediately fix the problem. We may remind them of everything they have to live for, tell them how loved they are, offer advice, or try to convince them that things are not as hopeless as they seem. While well-intended, a person in significant emotional distress may need something different first: to feel heard. Listen without judgment. Invite them to tell you more. Instead of trying to talk them out of their feelings, you might simply say, “That sounds incredibly painful. I’m really glad you told me.” You do not have to be a counselor, know exactly what to say, or take responsibility for fixing another person’s pain. Your role can be to connect with them and then help connect them with support so they can begin to see a way forward. That might mean involving someone they trust, connecting them with a therapist or other professional, or accessing crisis support. If there is immediate concern for their safety, stay with them and involve professional or crisis support.
Suicide is complex, and there is rarely one reason someone becomes suicidal. Prevention is not about finding one perfect solution. It is about recognizing suffering, creating space for honest conversations, increasing connection, and helping people access support. Sometimes prevention looks like sitting beside someone when things are uncomfortable. Sometimes it is helping them make the next phone call, checking on them again tomorrow, or reminding them through your actions that they do not have to carry this alone. Healing is possible, treatment can help, and circumstances and emotions that feel permanent in a moment of crisis can change. The goal is not to solve someone’s entire life in one conversation—it is to help them take the next safe step. Sometimes that begins with a simple conversation that communicates, “I see you, I care about you, and you don’t have to handle this by yourself.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger or a medical emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
