Self-compassion: How to Quiet Your Inner Critic
When we hear "self-compassion," we often think of it as simply being kind to ourselves. While self-kindness is an important piece of self-compassion, there is much more to it.
Self-compassion means being supportive and understanding of yourself when you are experiencing difficult situations, challenges, or personal struggles. It involves responding to yourself with the same care and understanding you might offer a friend who is going through a difficult time.
With self-compassion, you treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, empathy, care, and grace, while recognizing that struggle is also part of the shared human experience.
How Can We Practice Self-Compassion?
One way to practice self-compassion is by doing the “friend check”. Ask yourself: “How would I respond to a friend who was going through what I am experiencing right now?”
Would you criticize them for struggling? Tell them they should have handled it better? Or would you listen, encourage them, and remind them that one difficult moment does not define them?
Then, begin trying to offer yourself that same understanding and support.
Another way to engage in self-compassion is through more positive self-talk. Begin by noticing your inner critic and paying attention to the way you speak to yourself when things are difficult.
Maybe you make a mistake and immediately think, “I never get this right”. Maybe something feels overwhelming, and your first response is “I can’t do this”.
Rather than accepting those thoughts as facts, pause and notice them.
Once you begin recognizing these patterns, you can practice challenging them and introducing language that is more supportive and encouraging.
For example, you may shift from “I never get this right” or “I can’t do this” to “I will try my best” or “I can try again tomorrow.”
Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring what’s difficult or trying to turn every negative thought into a positive one. Instead, it gives us a way to meet those difficult moments with more honesty, patience, and grace.
Incorporating mindfulness is another way to cultivate self-compassion. Take the time to acknowledge what you are feeling in the moment rather than trying to immediately push away or suppress emotions.
If you are feeling disappointed or overwhelmed, give yourself permission to recognize, notice, and experience those emotions. Sometimes simply naming what is happening (“I’m disappointed”, “I’m overwhelmed”, or “This is really hard right now) can be more helpful than trying to ignore it.
What Are Some Potential Benefits of Self-Compassion?
Research suggests that self-compassion may help support emotional well-being and is associated with lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. It may also help and support greater resilience, motivation, and relationship satisfaction.
Self-compassion takes time and practice, which means you do not have to completely change the way you talk to yourself overnight.
Start small. Notice one critical thought. Pause before judging yourself for a difficult emotion. Ask what you would say to someone you love in the same situation.
Those small shifts in how you respond to yourself can gradually help build a foundation of greater self-kindness, understanding, and overall well-being.
Solomon, M. Self-Compassion and Your Mental Health. (2025). Rochester.Edu. https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/february-2025/self-compassion-and-your-mental-health
Bhatia, R. Practicing Self-Compassion. (2025). Psychiatry.Org. https://www.psychiatry.org/News-room/APA-Blogs/Practicing-Self-Compassion
