Anger danger

“To recognize that my upsets come from myself is the first step to remedying them.” -Anthony De Mello

Anger is a powerful emotion that can lead to undesirable behaviors and regretful interactions. Like many of our emotions, they tend to arise uninvited and take over our headspace. Oftentimes, our feelings become activated when we have a need to be met. For example: tired reminds us to rest, fear is designed to protect us, happy helps us connect, and sad allows us to grieve.

Anger is our active defense system, seeking to neutralize any immediate threats. There is just one problem: sometimes our emotions do not have all of the information and may influence irrational thinking. Therefore, it is helpful to have some strategies in place.

Under the wrong circumstances, anger can quickly escalate. This is a human phenomenon known as entering a state of physiological dysregulation. At this point, you may feel your body heating up, heart rate increasing, and thoughts racing. You are less likely to be the one choosing words or behavior, as anger is likely doing it for you.

Next time you find yourself in the red, try this: HIT THE PAUSE BUTTON. Take several deep breaths -- in through your nose, hold in your belly, and exhale out of your mouth. Consider taking a walk. Listen to music or a podcast. And if you need space from another person, do your best to let them know you need to take a break and will return in about 15-20 minutes.

Now that you are alone, how do we handle what got you so riled up? If you feel out of control, find a healthy distraction while avoiding any rumination. Once you feel more calm, remember that you likely did not choose to become angry in the first place. You may, however, choose to stay angry. Research suggests that we have approximately 90 seconds from anger’s onset to continue fueling its fire -- and one of the worst accelerants is seeking blame. Instead, turn inward.

If you can land in a place of ACCEPTANCE as to why it’s there and what it needs, then you will likely be more regulated and able to communicate effectively.

#anchoredmind #counseling #therapy #anger #emotion #regulation