Be curious, not judgmental

The next time you find yourself in the midst of tension with another, try choosing curiosity over judgment. When we focus on information or being right, we not only invalidate the other person’s feelings, but also contribute to a perception of not being cared for. Although accurate information is important in the end, you will only earn their influence if they believe that you care about them. When we choose to listen first, ask questions, and confirm understanding, we are showing the other person that they matter and the relationship is most important. Once the connection is prioritized — thereby preventing escalation — you can request the opportunity to share your perspective. Being heard, more often than not, transcends being right.

Practicing curiosity helps us move past any intellectual judgment. Judgment typically serves as a protector from perceived threats. If we are not aware, these protectors can prevent us from going downstairs and connecting with someone we care about. Past conflict and hurt can perpetuate a perception of emotional danger, which inhibits us from practicing vulnerability.

“Learning to replace judgment with curiosity is about shifting your perspective. It's about approaching a situation from a more positive and productive outlook. A world of possibilities exists if we take the time to be more curious.”

So, whenever you come upon opportunities to practice curiosity over judgment, imagine putting on empathy lenses and look through a different perspective. Cheers to more connected relationships!

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