You are not what you feel

The feelings wheel is one of the most commonly used tools in our counseling room. It allows us to apply a language to how we feel. Emotions can be so complex, which often makes them challenging to identify. When we have a word bank, however, it becomes easier to play the matching game. The first step is to turn toward our emotions with acceptance. Most of the time, we did not even choose them. Next, identify the emotion ("name it to tame it") so that we can become aware of it and how it feels physiologically. Third, remind yourself that emotions are temporary by nature ("this too shall pass"). Then practice curiosity with questions like: "where did this come from?" or "what made me feel this way?" And finally, try to let go of the need to control the emotion, as well as the outcome. We rarely choose how we feel, but we can choose what we say or do with how we feel. Could you imagine what the world would be like if more of us practiced emotional regulation? So, to sum it up...

1. You are not your emotions -- turn toward your feelings with acceptance

2. Name it to tame it -- even just identifying them can bring a sense of relief

3. This too shall pass -- remember that feelings are temporary

4. What is the story? -- be curious and investigate what prompted the emotions

5. Let go of control -- be open to the outcome and aim for a controlled response

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