Raising Good Eaters: Know Your Role at the Table

By Kristen Kanner, RDN

Feeding kids isn’t just about what goes on the plate—it’s about what happens around the table.

As a registered dietitian and mom of three, I’ve seen firsthand how mealtimes can become battlegrounds. We want our kids to eat well, grow strong, and try new foods—but when every bite feels like a battle, it’s exhausting.

What if I told you the secret to raising good eaters isn’t about controlling their choices… but about knowing your role?

Parents: You’re in Charge of the “What, When, and Where”

You decide:

• What food is offered

• When meals and snacks happen

• Where eating takes place
  

That’s your job. Not to beg, bribe, or bargain—just to create structure and offer a variety of nourishing options in a supportive environment.

When kids know what to expect, they feel safe—and safety is foundational to trying new things.

Kids: They’re in Charge of “How Much and Whether”

Your child decides:

• How much to eat

• Whether to eat at all
  

And yes, that might mean they skip dinner—or only eat the fruit on their plate. But that’s okay.

When we try to control how much or what our child eats, we interrupt their ability to listen to hunger and fullness cues. Over time, this can create distrust—both with food and with themselves.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

• Serve one family meal (include at least one food they usually accept)

• Offer meals and snacks at predictable times

• Avoid pressure, praise, or punishment during meals

• Keep food neutral—no “good” or “bad” labels

• Model curiosity, flexibility, and enjoyment around food
  

Sometimes they’ll eat a lot. Sometimes they’ll eat very little. Trust that over time, it balances out.

It’s a Long Game (But It’s Worth It)

We’re not raising kids who eat perfectly. We’re raising kids who trust themselves with food.

That means fewer food fights. Fewer tears at the table. And more room for connection, conversation, and growth.

So the next time your child asks for seconds—or pushes their plate away—take a breath and come back to the roles:

• You provide.

• They decide.
  

That’s the foundation of raising a confident, capable eater.

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or professional who supports families around feeding, I’d love to hear: What helps you stay grounded in your role at the table?

Let’s keep this conversation going—because feeding our kids is about more than food. It’s about trust, connection, and long-term health.