Successful relationships

What do thriving relationships have in common?

Building a life together is about teamwork and positive intention. It involves moving through life as a unit and reflecting on important lessons from your relationship while planning the path for your future. It’s about growing together.

Here are four things all successful relationships have in common:

1. Fondness and Admiration: Fondness and admiration grow when couples intentionally put a positive spin on their relationship, on their history together, and on each other’s character. When they talk about each other and their relationship, they choose words that express warmth, affection, and respect.

2. We-ness vs. Me-ness: Happy couples tell their stories with a sense of “we-ness” or of solidarity and togetherness. Often their words show shared beliefs, values, and goals.

3. Expansiveness vs. Withdrawal: All couples have a story to tell. How couples share what Dr. John Gottman calls the “Story of Us” can determine the health of the relationship. When the “Story of Us” is positive and full of detail (expansive) versus lacking detail or negative (withdrawal), a couple has a strong buffer against conflict and they tend to focus on their partner’s positive qualities.

4. Embrace Your Journey Together: As Dr. John Gottman says, couples who "glorify the struggle" express great pride in their ability to overcome difficult times together. They talk about how the hard seasons strengthened their bond and how they use conflict as a catalyst to grow closer together. These couples share profound meaning together and a life of purpose.

Reflect on these four things in your relationship. Is there room for opportunity? How can you strengthen each of these aspects?

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