The rise of lonely men

LONELY MEN. Saturday Night Live featured a hilarious sketch called “Man Park,” but with a not so funny context: the loneliness of men. Let’s look at why this is a growing concern, but first, have a laugh: https://youtu.be/9XOt2Vh0T8w

We don’t often hear the words “lonely” and ”men” in the same sentence. This needs to change. The danger is not only the emotional cost of loneliness; although that is substantial. Close relationships with other people have more of an impact on our physical health and longevity than even our genes do. Studies show that a satisfying relationship life can extend longevity by up to 22%. Loneliness is a risk factor comparable to smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure (Holt-Lunstad, Hawkley, et al, 2010). Cardiovascular disease and stroke, in particular, are correlated with loneliness. Moreover, 80% of successful suicides are men, and one of the leading contributing factors is loneliness (Murphy, et al., 2017). While many physicians ask questions about risk factors such as smoking and alcohol consumption during an annual physical, the research suggests they should also be asking about how satisfying their patient’s closest relationships are.

So what can we do to combat loneliness?

• practice vulnerability: when we choose to be brave, embrace who we are, and share how we feel, it not only allows us to manage difficult emotions (instead of suppress), but also helps deepen our relationships

• consider what might be holding you back from moving towards relationships — for many men, family and culture have shaped negative beliefs about how they should think, feel, and act

• think of any acquaintances that might be better as friends, or reach out to someone you have lost touch with — the reward may be greater than the risk

• look for opportunities in your community, such as volunteering, fitness or sports, religious programs, support groups… or start your own

• be sure that social media is not the primary source of socialization — it should not replace meaningful connection

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