Before You Crash Out: A Simple Way to Slow Things Down
If you’ve ever felt like you “crashed out” or started to spiral, you’re not alone.
Those moments can come on quickly. Stress builds, emotions feel bigger than expected, and it can be hard to know what to do next. Everything starts to snowball.
I hear this a lot in the counseling room, especially from clients who want to understand how to make those moments stop.
I want to share a simple coping tool you can use when things feel overwhelming or out of control.
We call it the circles of control.
The idea is that there are things in life that...
We have control over
We have partial influence over
Are completely out of our control
In the middle of a spiral, it can be helpful to pause and sort your thoughts into these three circles.
So what might this look like in real life?
When working with teen clients, I often hear about tensions between them and their parents. It usually looks like the teen wanting one thing (like staying out late with friends) and the parent wanting another (like the teen staying home or coming back earlier than they’d like).
What often shows up in session is the teen’s perception of what happened, and the “crash out” that follows when they feel misunderstood or restricted.
Using the circles of control, we can slow that moment down by taking an honest look at:
What we can control:
Our reaction. Whether we lash out at our parents or take time to think about the situation and then have a more regulated conversation.
What we can influence:
Our emotions. We don’t get to choose what emotions we have, how big they feel, or when they show up. But we do have influence over what we do with them. Rather than internalizing or pushing down frustration, we can talk to a friend, write in a journal, go for a walk, or use another coping skill that works for us.
What we cannot control:
Our parents and their decisions. This is true in almost every situation. We can’t control another person’s choices or actions, as much as we might wish we could. That can feel really frustrating and unfair, and it’s something I process with many clients.
I find that when clients are able to organize their experiences within these circles of control, it can help alleviate some of the distress and overwhelm they feel. There’s something about putting things into perspective that creates a little more clarity in the moment.
Instead of everything feeling tangled together, it becomes easier to see what’s actually yours to hold, what you can influence, and what you may need to begin letting go of.
It’s a simple tool, but one that can be applied to almost anything that causes stress, anxiety, or a sense of losing control.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or like you’re starting to spiral, you might try coming back to these three circles and seeing what shifts.
And if this is something you find yourself navigating often, it may be worth exploring with someone who can help you process it more fully. Click here to learn more about our approach + connect with a member of our team.