When Controlling Our Children’s Eating Habits Backfires

By Kristen Kanner, RDN | Private Practice Dietitian | Mom of 3 | Family Nutrition Advocate

As a registered dietitian — and a mom of three — I understand the deep desire to make sure our kids are eating the "right" foods. We want to set them up for a lifetime of health, protect them from nutrition pitfalls, and create a positive relationship with food.

But sometimes, despite our best intentions, the way we try to control our children’s eating habits can backfire.

And the consequences aren't always immediate — they often show up later in ways we don't expect:
• Bigger power struggles at the table
• Secretive eating habits
• Increased pickiness
• Anxiety around food choices
• Disconnection from their own hunger and fullness cues

Why Controlling Eating Can Lead to the Opposite of What We Want

When kids feel over-controlled at the table — whether it’s pressure to clean their plates, earn dessert, or avoid "bad" foods — their natural instincts start to shift.

Instead of listening to their bodies, they begin responding to external rules:

• Eating because someone told them to, not because they’re hungry

• Sneaking foods they’ve been restricted from

• Feeling guilty or ashamed about normal eating behaviors

Research backs this up. Studies consistently show that excessive parental control over food — even when well-meaning — is associated with a higher risk of disordered eating patterns later in life, including emotional eating, binge eating, and chronic dieting.

What Kids Really Need at the Table

Children are born with an incredible internal ability to regulate their food intake based on hunger, growth needs, and activity levels. Our job as parents isn't to override that system — it's to support it.

Here’s what that can look like:

• Providing Structure: Offer regular meals and snacks, with a balance of nourishing options and some fun foods too.

• Setting the Example: Model a positive, non-anxious relationship with food yourself.

• Allowing Autonomy: Let kids decide whether to eat and how much to eat from the foods you've provided.

• Focusing on the Big Picture: No single meal, day, or even week defines a child’s health trajectory. Patterns over time matter most.

When we lead with trust — not fear — children are much more likely to develop the intuitive eating skills and healthy relationship with food we hope for.

A Shift Toward Trust

As a dietitian, I can lay out the science.
As a mom, I can tell you: it’s hard sometimes.

It’s tempting to control when we care so deeply. But what our kids need is guidance, consistency, and space to grow their own food confidence.

They don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be steady.
And sometimes, that means releasing control — and trusting the process — even when it feels uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to raise kids who eat perfectly.
It’s to raise kids who trust themselves, enjoy food without fear, and know how to care for their bodies with confidence.

And that starts — right at our own tables.